2024 Over and Out

This year has been one of extremes. It’s really hard to round it up. The highs and the lows have had my mental and physical health bouncing back and forth. 

If it sums it up, I’m already crying whilst writing this and I’ve only done a total of three sentences. I’m crying because I’m proud of myself for surviving, and I’m crying because I’m traumatised by what I have survived. 

2024 I think has been one of, if not the hardest year of my life. Which given how 2020 and 2021 was for me, it says a lot. 

My health has been split, some of my illnesses have been the best they’ve been in years, some have reached new lows. 

I have had more trips to hospital this year alone than any previous years combined (though at least none of the admissions were as long as the seven month one before). 

An abscess and a lingering infection of it, a bad kidney infection following months of UTIs, just under a four week admission due to no longer tolerating any oral intake in which I got an NJ tube which has led to so many more admissions because my tubes have been very problematic. Six new tubes in four months and a further two times it kinked and needed manipulation in endoscopy or A&E. So many other things, such as family member deaths, care struggles etc. 

But whilst I’m leaving 2024 with a feeding tube, I’m also leaving with an incredible accessible annexe, a beautiful loving cat, still running my small card business @bykatiecards and improvements in the ME aspect of my health which meant I had my first two outpatient hospital appointments (which were the first non emergency trips out of the house) in just under four years. And then I went out and up the road for the first time in over four years. This was a non medical trip in my wheelchair which was just unbelievable. 

And I can say I have survived it. So have you. Im proud of me, and of you. Here’s to 2025

 

Christmas Gratitude

This Christmas has looked very different to Christmases over the last few years. Both in good and bad ways. And that comes with the complicated mix of my health issues where I am so lucky that some have improved and yet some are the worst they have ever been. 

I may not have been able to actually eat christmas dinner in terms of swallowing it but I got to taste it by chewing and spitting which I am so grateful to have knowledge of thanks to this community. I got to be at the table with my family to enjoy the food in this way and when so many christmases have been alone in bed or even in hospital I am so lucky that I got to be sat in my wheelchair with them, to laugh, to talk, to enjoy. 

After the amount of hospital admissions I have had this year I am also simply just lucky to be at home. 

So I’m grateful. Today had the spirit of Christmas, it had family and joy. It was a healing day for a family that have been through so much in the last year. And I’m so privileged for that, not privileged despite but privileged including. Including needing to rest for most of the day, not swallowing food or drink. I am grateful. 

Sending so much love to those who were unable to participate and also love to those who did at the expense of now suffering for an unknown period. 

Thank you to all my wonderful friends who helped make my christmas, and who make me feel loved everyday.