It's not just what you "can" do its what you should do, what you need to do survive or have quality of life

It's not a black or white you can or can’t do something situation with chronic illness and disability. It has a grey area (like most things but people seem to forget that about this). We know not everything that is possible to do should be done, you can commit a crime but you shouldn’t. You can choose to do something highly dangerous, but should you? 

With chronic illness and disability, there is a lot we can’t physically do. Then there is the stuff we could push to do that would be incredibly harmful for us. So “should you do this?” “is it okay for your health to do this?” would be a far more appropriate question than “can you do it?“ or the accusatory “but you could do it?”  Instead, we are often jumped at for not doing things we in some way possibly could.

The reality is not doing an activity with a harmful effect is what allows us to do another activity. What allows quality of life. And other people should remember that nothing happens in isolation. Having to give up every other activity, to do one thing, is not sustainable. We have to prioritise the things we want to do as they can’t all be done, which means not doing certain things.

There are things I can’t do at all, things I can, and things that trying causes devastating harm, things I may occasionally push for despite knowing it’s irresponsible, and I suffer big time but on occasion may be worth it. I can’t stand at all (and yes I have been pushed to try, I won’t go into the trauma, I definitely can’t stand), I could physically be hoisted out of bed each day, it would be horrible and leave me physically unable to do anything else because doing it once does that and I lose my quality of life.

It’s not negative to say no to doing things to protect your health. You don’t have to “test” the harm it does repeatedly, or ever. You know your body and that’s what should be trusted.

What I choose to do should never be questioned by someone else. Never be suggested I’m not trying hard enough because I’m choosing to respect my body’s needs and instead choosing other activities. Or that because I may choose something that brings some joy instead of something someone else wants it to be, sees it as me “wasting” my energy. ‬  My choice is to do everything I can to not get worse so that I don’t end up with more things added to my physically impossible list. A choice of survival. 

What I choose to do should never be questioned by someone else. Never be suggested I’m not trying hard enough because I’m choosing to respect my body’s needs and instead choosing other activities. Or that because I may choose something that brings some joy instead of something someone else wants it to be, sees it as me “wasting” my energy. ‬  My choice is to do everything I can to not get worse so that I don’t end up with more things added to my physically impossible list. A choice of survival.