Turning 20

Today I turned 20. It marks the official end of my teens. My teenage years have had their challenges, a lot of them. 

I got ill at 13, a month after my birthday. 
My 14th I was struggling with depression mainly due to friendship issues which were so bad that day 
I became bedbound at 15 
My 16th was spent in hospital during covid 
My 17th was the last time I saw my old best friend who treated me badly once I got ill. It was spent in bed with awful symptoms. 
My 18th I had shingles 
My 19th I finally felt like things were coming together, yet the age 19 was one of the hardest ive had with constant challenges thrown my way. 

Its been a rollercoaster. But a rollercoaster that I have survived. And there has been joy, good memories and so many wonderful friends made along the way. 

Just four weeks before my 20th birthday I had an NJ feeding tube placed due to not being able to keep any food or drink down. It really looked like I was going to have another birthday in hospital. So whilst today has not been the day ive been imagining it is better than I feared. 

Here’s to my twenties. Let’s hope they’re a lot better than my teens.

Gastroparesis and a new addition

 August was quite the month. It was gastroparesis awareness month and boy was I aware. 

I got admitted to hospital once again unable to keep any food or drink down. Only this time I was already on all the different treatment options and they said there was nothing more they could do. 

Eventually they put in a NJ feeding tube which bypasses the stomach. There was many issues with the first tube so I had to go back to endoscopy another two times but eventually I had a working feeding tube. After being told by every single doctor I saw I wouldn’t be allowed home with a feeding tube the nutrition team consultant came and said that as long as I was tolerating it they would get me set up at home. 

So after three and a half weeks in hospital I am home with a new attachment. I am so relieved to be home but also so overwhelmed. When my GP got me admitted I hoped for a short admission with a solution. I have no clue how long I am going to need a feeding tube for. The discharge plan is to wean me of the tube in the community. I hope its possible. But as the nutrition consultant said, there is no cure for Gastroparesis. Im already feeling very burnt out from dealing with tube things, this is a really rough journey. 

My mental health is a mess, it usually is in September anyway with it being the anniversary of becoming bedbound. The 9th of September will be four years. It is also my birthday on the 23rd of September and that may look very different this year. i’ll be turning 20 and my teenage years will be over, having been ill for all but a month of them. 

Life has thrown so much at me this year and it’s hard to cope with. I really hope things look up from here.